The new refresh to the website home page looks nice. But the first impression is marred by the very awkward English grammar of the hero text:
The Freedom to Create
Blender’s mission is to bring the best 3D technology as tools in the hands of artists, for all platforms, everywhere in the world, free and open source forever.
The heading (“The Freedom to Create”) is fine, but maybe not the most impactful choice of title. However that body text is extremely awkward. I am not even sure if it is proper English grammar, but it feels very confusing to read and I still don’t understand what it means. It could be fixed, but it is probably better to start over with new copy text. Run it by someone whose first language is English to confirm it reads fluently, since unfortunately this definitely doesn’t and it’s a weird first impression for the home page.
Blender’s mission is to bring the best 3D technology as tools in the hands of artists, for all platforms, everywhere in the world. Free and open source forever.
I’d say it’s probably the long chain of comma-separated ideas.
I see that chaining used a lot. Most times you can practically write the same sentence but put a few full stops in between to break it up and it gains a lot more punch.
Probably works with commas when not using anything at all, too
You can practically write the same sentence, put a few full stops in between to break it up, and it gains a lot more punch.
It’s a bit awkward. “3D Technology as tools” sounds odd because technology is generally tools, so you wouldn’t bring it as anything else. And you don’t “bring things in the hands of artists”, but “bring things to artists” or “to the hands of artists” or “put things in the hands of artists.” Then we get too many clauses and the subject gets muddy: it’s the tools that are for all platforms, but it is the artists who are everywhere, with a fairly unnecessary “in the world”.
